Descent

Descent is gradual
and I can hardly notice it
through misty-eyed mornings
fogged and frosted with
condensation and with snow;
through dredged days
that bleed together all the same
indescribable
muted
never seeing the sun first hand.
Realizing descent is sudden, though,
sobering like staring down a loaded shotgun,
though you can't remember the decisions
that lead to where you find yourself,
because no worries can find you then,
with chalk caked between your fingers.
No worries with sweet kerosene drips.
Numbing.
And so I smile
because that's what my friends are doing.
And I laugh because they laugh
I do not hurt because they -- they feel no pain
and I dance because I'm filled with emptiness
like the Universe, my atoms are galaxies apart.
And if you couldn't love me then no one can.
Sniff. Forget. Sniff. Forget.